Dear Creepy Art Teacher:

Dear Creepy Art Teacher:

Thank you for dinning with me and the little ones during lunch.
I appreciate the fact that you attempted to facilitate conversation between us by suggesting questions for the children to ask me.
However, I believe the conversation is inappropriate if it follows this pattern:

Creepy Art Teacher: "Who do you love?"
Me: (trying to defuse the sexually insinuating question - this was a group of first graders after all) "My Mother."
Creepy Art Teacher: "Did you drink her breast milk?"

WTF, Creepy Art Teacher?
This raced through my head as I struggled to regain control of the situation and of the milk that was angrily threatening to burst from my mouth.
Again, I am happy that you took an interest in our meal time conversations but please refrain from injecting any parts of my mother's, or any one else's, anatomy into future conversations.
On a final note; if you do decide to not follow this advise and once again ask related questions, please try not to use hand gestures (cupping your hands around an imaginary breast and pursing your lips as if suckling) to convey your message...